Let’s keep it real: planning a wedding is exciting, but it’s also stressful. Between picking venues, handling family opinions, and figuring out money, a lot of couples forget that the real work isn’t just the big day, it’s everything that comes after. That’s why premarital counseling matters. And no, it’s not just for couples in crisis or for people who “need fixing.” It’s for anyone who wants to step into marriage with clarity, tools, and confidence.
Communication: Learning to Really Hear Each Other
When I sit down with couples, the first thing we tackle is communication. Because let’s be honest — most fights don’t blow up because of “big” issues, they happen because people don’t feel heard. So instead of telling couples to “just listen better,” I give them simple strategies: “I” statements (to own feelings instead of blaming), active listening (where your partner has to actually repeat back what you said), and even time-out agreements so arguments don’t spiral. It sounds basic, but when couples actually practice these skills, the shift is huge.
Conflict: Fighting Fair and Staying Connected
Conflict is another big one. Every couple argues, but not every couple knows how to argue in a way that doesn’t tear them apart. I help people figure out their conflict style, maybe you avoid, maybe you bulldoze, maybe you shut down. Once you know your patterns, it’s easier to learn healthier ways of working through disagreements. Conflict isn’t automatically a red flag; in fact, it can be a chance to grow if you have the right tools.
Values and Expectations: The Crucial Conversations
Then there’s values and expectations. This is where the real talk happens. Who’s paying bills? How do you feel about kids? What role does culture, family, or faith play in your life together? These aren’t always easy conversations, but if you avoid them now, they’ll show up later, usually in the middle of a fight. I use guided questions and worksheets to help couples get everything on the table without the awkwardness.
Money and Marriage: Building Financial Trust Early
And yes, we have to talk about money. Finances are one of the top reasons couples struggle, and ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. Premarital counseling is the perfect space to look at spending habits, debt, savings, and financial goals. When couples figure out how to talk about money without judgment, they set themselves up for way less stress later.
Intimacy and Support: Keeping Connection Alive
Intimacy matters too, and not just physical intimacy. Emotional closeness is just as important. I’ll have couples do check-in rituals, explore their love languages, or talk openly about expectations around affection and sex. It’s not about making things uncomfortable; it’s about helping couples build habits that keep connection alive long after the honeymoon.
Support Systems: Leaning on Our Village
Finally, I push couples to think about support systems. Marriage doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and having a village matters. Whether it’s friends, mentors, family, or community, identifying your go-to people before challenges pop up makes it easier to ask for help when you need it.
Here’s the bottom line: premarital counseling isn’t about finding problems, it’s about giving couples a toolkit. Communication, conflict, values, money, intimacy, and support systems all work together. It’s an all-inclusive approach that prepares people for the reality of marriage, not just the wedding.
For Therapists: Preparing to Offer Premarital Counseling
And for professionals out there, counselors, and therapists, I’ve built a Premarital Counseling Training that walks you through this exact method. I share the worksheets, activities, and conversation guides I use in my own sessions, plus strategies for addressing tough topics without making couples shut down. If you’ve been thinking about adding premarital counseling to your services, this training will help you do it with confidence. I also created a directory that gets you found online as a premarital counselor.
Since this course is designed to be culturally responsive and inclusive, it intentionally addresses the unique dynamics of interfaith, intercultural, LGBTQ+, and blended families. Our approach centers on creating space for BIPOC and 2SLGBTQ+ individuals and relationships, ensuring that every couple feels seen, affirmed, and supported throughout their premarital journey.
By highlighting this distinction, we reinforce our commitment to equity, representation, and belonging—core values that allow all couples to connect with the material in ways that honor their identities, traditions, and lived experiences.
Marriage prep doesn’t have to be outdated or boring. With the right tools, it can be modern, relevant, and even fun. Because at the end of the day, premarital counseling isn’t about surviving marriage, it’s about creating a relationship that thrives. Access the course here.
Image descriptions:
Cover photo is an illustration of two interconnected rings against a black background.
The photo above is a screenshot of a virtual course describing premarital counseling offerings.
